if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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