and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
