The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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