This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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