Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So drunk its hurt
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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