This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
