The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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