New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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