You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
