Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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