on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We need a shit load of segways right now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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