just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
