so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize