he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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