Small penises have feelings too.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
