I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
