dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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