Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
