watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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