smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
