tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im holly from the hills drunk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
