this just has baby written all over it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We need to get me chipped asap
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
