My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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