mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
