I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize