from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
