Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
