It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
