Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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