Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
