party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
