did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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