M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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