"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this boner is exhausting
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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