I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize