im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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