thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
