hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
