Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
