last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
