Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
