I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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