There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
