K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
