WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
