just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
