Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
