Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
