We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
