Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize