and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
