at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
