the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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