just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
