You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need to stop coming to work sober
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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