She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
