I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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