Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize