just survived the first fart of the relationship.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
