stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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