They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
