I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
