it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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