The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have tasted many bathrooms
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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