wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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