found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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