so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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