i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
