So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
