Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
