I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
