What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
