he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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