So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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