Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
