I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
