my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
