so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
